I Ain't Got No Home: The Returnee's Lament

Clarence “Frogman” Henry said it best. As a returning expat from Japan, I have moved on to other digs, back to the U.S., but still a strange land. What am I to do with all the experiences, wonderful and frustrating, that I had for 5 years of observation and assimilation into another culture? Do I forget them? No one here cares to listen to my stories. Do I scrapbook them? Seems impersonal and simplistic. Do I relive them? Can’t do that here, Japanese restaurants are few and far between. No, it’s time to re-assimilate into a whole other culture, make new friends, and start over.

Moving to Charleston, SC seemed like a good idea at the time. After all, I grew up in the southeast, Atlanta to be precise, and now live within driving distance of my family. So why do I feel like I don’t belong here?

But I want to, I need to, I HAVE TO.

My indescribable time in Japan has taught me that there’s something to be said about finding your “niche”, a place where you feel at home, wrapped in a blanket of belonging, a place where you can relax and breathe life in deeply. Who would guess that place would be in a foreign land, a topsy turvy world, a place where everything is opposite from what I have learned to be “normal.” But indeed it was “home.” I can’t explain how a southern girl, turned west coast Seattle-ite, can find peace and acceptance in a place so alien. But I did, and frankly, I miss it like hell.

So now I am plagued with questions like how to transition from a place where everyone knows your name and is always glad you came to…a place where although you share the same values, appearance, interests as those all around you, they don't take notice of you or care to get to know you? How do I make friends?

So what have I done to connect and find friends in this new place? Well I know that to find a friend, the first step is to BE a friend. I go to church. I join bible studies. I pray a lot. I found a newcomers group and participate in their activities. But I still find that there are no connections with 350 members. I don’t know why. Maybe those who have not experienced the challenges and excitement of expat life, are not as “hungry” to develop real relationships.

The Crowder family in Japan

Expats know that “time” is a very limited thing. We know that our “time” will soon be over. I wish that everyone would live their daily life knowing that their “time” in this place is limited and will soon be over and to therefore take every chance to form lasting friendships with those people whom God puts in their lives. The model Iman was once asked what the secret of her beauty and fashion was, she said, “I wake up and live every day as if it is my last”.

Expats know how to live their lives this way. I am blessed because of my experience. Whereas I used to say “home is where I hang my hat”, now I know that “home is where I open my heart”.

Cheryl Crowder has just returned to the U.S. from Nagoya, Japan, where her husband was on assignment for the past 5 years with Boeing. Originally from Atlanta, GA, she moved to Seattle in 1981 to begin a new life out west. She has had several careers that took her from city life to farm life and considers herself adaptable to any living situation. She and her husband of 28 years are now beginning a new journey in Charleston, SC with their teenage daughter, dog, and 2 cats.